ChapNotes
On-the-Job Inspiration, Humor and Encouragement

( Designed for daily use on employee bulletin boards! )
On the Internet since 1994~ E-Mail Subscriptions from 1994-2010

February 6th - 10th, 2012

Daily Word from Your Chaplain

MONDAY  

Romans 11:27-29 And this will be My covenant with them when I take away their sins. ²⁸ Regarding the gospel, they

are enemies for your advantage, but regarding election, they are loved because of the patriarchs, ²⁹ since God’s gracious gifts and calling are irrevocable.  

The base’s public-address system is the simplest way to call the troops — just shout out the soldiers’ last names, tell them where they’re needed, and they’ll hustle right over.  

But there was some head-turning the day I summoned these two privates to assist the chaplain:“ Pope, Paul, please report to the orderly room.”
Docs Daily Chuckle

 

A bachelor kept a cat for companionship, and loved his cat more than life. He was planning a trip to England and entrusted the cat to his brother's care.  As soon as he arrived in England he called his brother.
    

"How is my cat?" he asked.  "Your cat is dead," came the reply.
    

 "Oh my," he exclaimed.  "Did you have to tell me that way?"
    

"How else can I tell you your cat's dead?" inquired the brother.
    

 "You should have led me up to it gradually," said the bachelor.  "For an example, when I called tonight you could have told me my cat was on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting it down.  When I called tomorrow night, you could have told me that they dropped him and broke his back, but a fine surgeon is doing all he can for him.  Then, when I called the third night, you could have told me the surgeon did all he could but my cat passed away.  That way it wouldn't have been such a shock.
    

 "By the way," he continued, "how's Mother?"   

"Mother?" came the reply.  "Oh, she's up on the roof, but the Fire Department is getting her down."
Sent by Mary Sutherland  

 

 Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Laugh Lift  

The "Jesus" film has been a remarkable tool in the proclamation of the Gospel all over the world. Wendy Zoba writes: “In Peru, during the insurgence of the Sendero Luminoso (Shining Path), a Wycliffe couple was traveling to show the "Jesus" film in a village. Their vehicle was intercepted by the Senderos, and they feared for their lives (with just cause). Instead of killing them, however, the terrorists decided to seize their equipment, including the film projector. The husband boldly suggested that they might as well take the film reels too.

Sometime later, a man contacted them to say that he had been among the Senderos who had robbed them. He told them they watched the film seven times (out of sheer boredom), and some had been converted through it. He came to apologize and to tell of his ministry in preaching and evangelism!.
Daily Encouragement

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Daily Word from Your Chaplain

TUESDAY  

Romans 11:30-32 As you once disobeyed God, but now have received mercy through their disobedience, ³¹ so they too have now disobeyed, resulting in mercy to you, so that they also now may receive mercy. ³² For God has imprisoned all in disobedience, so that He may have mercy on all.  

When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."
 
Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the newparents."
 
"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are reallygood-looking."
 
"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.
 
"He looks just like you."
from Thomas E  

A suitor cannot command a woman's affection, but he can court her, creating opportunities for her to fall in love with him. Likewise, preachers cannot command unction, but they can cultivate a relationship with God that allows the Spirit to operate freely and fully in accordance with God's will."
Preaching Now  

The time came for annual immunizations at our overseas Air Force base. To get us all vaccinated as quickly as possible, they pressed the veterinary surgeon into helping out.  

 I got my injection from the vet. "Wow," I said, "you did that so gently, I hardly felt it."  

 "I have to be gentle," he said. "My patients can bite."
Antony Mwangi via Laughter for a Saturday  

An old and intimate friend from Springfield called on President Lincoln and found him much depressed.  

The President was reclining on a sofa, but rising suddenly he said to his friend: "You know better than any man living that from my boyhood up my ambition was to be President. I am President of one part of this divided country at least; but look at me! Oh, I wish I had never been born!  

"I've a white elephant on my hands--one hard to manage. With a fire in my front and rear to contend with, the jealousies of the military commanders, and not receiving that cordial co-operative support from Congress that could reasonably be expected  - with an active and formidable enemy in the field threatening the very life-blood of the Government, my position is anything but a bed of roses."  
Abe Lincoln  

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?

A. You suck.  
Humor Digest

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Daily Word from Your Chaplain

WEDNESDAY  

Romans  11:33.Oh,the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and the knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments and untraceable His ways!   

On Wednesday, Dr. Oz had a show on the fastest growing cancer in women, thyroid cancer. It was a very interesting program and he mentioned that the increase could possibly be related to the use of dental x-rays and mammograms.  

He demonstrated that on the apron the dentist puts on you for your dental x-rays there is a little flap that can be lifted up and wrapped around your neck. Many dentists don't bother to use it. Also, there is something called a "thyroid guard" for use during mammograms.  

By coincidence, I had my yearly mammogram yesterday. I felt a little silly, but I asked about the guard and sure enough, the technician had one in a drawer. I asked why it wasn't routinely used. Answer: "I don't know. You have to ask for it."  

Well, if I hadn't seen the show, how would I have known to ask?
Rosemary Westbrook

Though we sometimes wonder if the church can make an impact in the 21st century, the evidence is clear: God is doing amazing things around the world.

Here are some of the reports shared at the World Evangelical Summit
 
Mongolia: Once the most closed country in the world with only 4 Christians in 1989, now there are 20,000 Christians worshipping in over 100 churches and 500 house churches.
 
Cambodia: In the late 1970's there were only 2,000 Christians; now there are 150,000.
 
Nepal: The first church began in 1959 with only 29 believers; now there are over 500,000 in more than 5,000 congregations, with a church in every one of the 75 districts of Nepal.
 
China: Unparalleled growth in the entire history of Christianity, from 1.2 million Protestants in 1949 when Communism took over to as many as 90-100 million today.
 
South Korea: South Korea is the largest sender of missionaries in Asia with 12,000-15,000 missionaries.
 
In Ukraine, ten years ago there were 2,000 churches. Now there are over 12,000 churches.
 
In Latin America, Evangelicals total nearly 69 million, or about 15% of the population. In 1998, there were 743 new evangelicals added to the church every hour, or 17,841 every day. There is good news of God's activity around the world, but there is still much to be done. 
Michael Duduit), via Laugh & Lift  

The couple that was late to the party were beaten to the punch.  
Humor Digest

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Daily Word from Your Chaplain

THURSDAY  

Romans 11:34-36 For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? ³⁵ Or who has ever first given to Him,and has to be repaid?³⁶ For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen

Learn to stand back and let others take their turn as leaders. There will always be new opportunities for you to step out in front again.
Lew Frazar  

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.   
Albert Schweitzer  

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  

As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?" 
Canned Laughs  

The Buddhist monk was right on when he said, "To know and not to do is not yet to know."  

If I say I am a follower of Christ and don't do anything to help the poor, feed the hungry, care for the downtrodden in my community and in other parts of the world, nor support missions and those spreading the gospel, then I am not a follower of Jesus regardless of what I say I am.  

What I say is meaningless unless it is backed by my actions.
Daily Encounter

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"  

After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
Humor  

I tried that garlic diet. I didn't lose any weight, but I did lose all my friends.
Mark’s Musings

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Daily Word from Your Chaplain

FRIDAY  

Romans 12:1 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.  

I’ve learned….That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.  

I’ve learned….That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.  

I’ve learned….That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when was a child did wonders for me as an adult.  

I’ve learned….That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Author unknown  

LIFE IS FOR LIVING  

Notice the sun and the moon as they rise and set. They are remarkable for their steady pattern of movement, not their speed. Now we are learning there are more planets than stars in the universe!  

Quit planning how you're going to use what you know, learn, or possess. God's gifts just are; be grateful and their purpose will be clear.  

When you talk with someone, don't think about what you'll say next. Thoughts will spring up naturally if you let them.  

Listen to the wind blow. It carries a message of yesterday and tomorrow - and now. NOW counts.    

Rest on your laurels. They bring comfort whatever their size, age, or condition.  

Talk slower. Talk less. Don't talk. Communication isn't measured by words.  

Watch and listen to the night sky. It speaks.  

Listen to the words you speak, especially in prayer.  

Direct your life with purposeful choices, not with speed and efficiency. The best musician is one who plays with expression and meaning, not the one who finishes first.   

Pet a furry friend. You will give and get the gift of now.  

Work with your hands. It frees the mind.  

Take time to wonder. Without wonder, life is merely existence.  

Sit in the dark. It will teach you to see and hear, taste and smell.

Let go. Nothing is usually the hardest thing to do - but often it is the best. Lew Fraza

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